Cooking the Cosmic Muffin
Sunday, March 33rd at 11 am in the Sanctuary
Service phoned in from Maui by Reverend John H.
It's often said that Unitarian Universalists don't
believe in anything, ... or believe in everything,
... or believe everything. In this sermon Rev.
Robinson will respond to those allegations of spiritual
Rev. Robinson will reveal how the words "God", "Jesus",
"Buddha", "Mohammed", and other religious names
really are just over-romanticized ways of referring
to the one, true, Unitarian Universalist-discovered
Cosmic Muffin. Recipes for which Rev. Robinson
Rev. Dr. Professor Oscard Fool, Rev. Dr. Zizi
Lugosi, and Laurel Esquire will assist
in the service. Worship Associate Susan
Anthony will reflect on how good it used to be to
sit in the pews and let other people work on Sundays.
Fashions in Anti-War Protests
Forum Sunday at 10 in the Martin Luther King Room
Participants in Sunday's forum will discuss the
proper attire for wearing at anti-war,
anti-globalization, anti-Bush rallies. Forum
organizer Henry Kroll pictured at left
(either before or after some operation) will model
possible Unitarian Universalist protest uniforms.
The outfit in the photograph is a leading contender
for official UU use. Its high-style ammo holders
each contain colored felt-tip markers for emergency
on-the-march placard repair.
The fashion standard for future demonstrations will
be determined by a Democratic vote at the conclusion
of the program.
Conversation, coffee, and a light breakfast are
available at 9:30. What's a light breakfast? St.
Louis Brain Sandwiches for instance. Other light
items include pound cakes with heavy cream,
deep-fried pigs feet, and of course, rutabaga for the
The program begins at 10. At 10:55 feet start
shuffling. At 11:15 the discussion about missing the
Sunday service heats up.
Candidating Week Update
Search Committee Discovers It Would Be the Best Minister
Ministerial Search Committee Chair Liz Strand
announced this morning that the Committee
unanimously decided to change its mind and name
itself as the Society's new minister.
"In the spirit of Vice President Chaney and Harriet
Miers," Liz explained, "the Committee was forced to
conclude that only its members could adequately
serve the diverse needs of the Membership."
"Our decision was unanimous," Liz said.
"The Committee has read hundreds of sermons,
memorial services, essays, and philosophical
statements on ministry in the past 10 months. Why
should the Society have to settle for one flawed
producer of material when we can enjoy the
synthesized wisdom of the 34 ministers who were
interested in serving the Society?""Have I
mentioned that we were unanimous?" Liz concluded.
Photographer Position Opening
The Society has an opening to replace Sonnie
Willis as its newsletter photographer.
Shown here is her last photograph when she was on a
photo shoot assignment. The position includes a
comprehensive dental plan.
Gold and Warfare
Illness and death are not fun topics to read about.
But, other people's relationship woes make great
In order to keep pace with the tastes of our
readers, The Flame is replacing its "Good and
Welfare" section with this new column dedicated to
the details of marital blisters.
To contribute, contact the teacher of Adult
Religious Education class Schadenfreude 201.
In keeping with the 8th Principle of Unitarian
Universalist gossip, the difficulties of all
formerly loving couples will be given equal space.
We Regret These Errors
On behalf of our fellow church newsletter editors,
we apologize for these mistakes which have been
published in the past 12 months.
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
The sermon tonight "Searching for
- Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out
and watch us kill Christ the King.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say
"Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
- Don't let worry kill you off -- let the
- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
donors for more transfusions. She is also having
trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Rev.
- For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5 pm - prayer and
medication to follow.
- The Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
Photographer Position Still Open
Mmmm.... The first person to apply for the open
photographer's job didn't last. The job is still
available. It has a complete medical plan, too.
The Mystery is Solved!
from the UU's for Universalist Memories
The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) has
announced that it has solved the mystery at the
center of life. After hundreds of years of
searching, the Beacon Street Curia was able to unravel
the mystery using modern technology and a marketing
The brilliant Boston approach simply discarded the
defeatist double circle and its empty middle which
had been used to symbolize the unknowable at the
center of life.
"That hole was an ugly artistic void," smiled UUA
President William Sinkford. "We paved it with a
A memorial service for the mystery at the center of
life is scheduled for a suitable time at General
Assembly in June. Tentative plans call for a 2:30 am
COLD Deeds Program Starts
Amped-Up Deeds Curriculum Found More Suitable for SF Kids
from the Kinda Sorta Director of Religious Education
The Children's Religious Education Program has
abandoned the Cool
Deeds justice experience for
children in favor of intense adventures more in
tune with Northern California attitudes.
The first COLD Deed
action was a dachshund diapering (pictured). Lots of
fun for the kids and it put the little beasts in
Further COLD Deeds
- Beach Littering for Teens
- Running Over Elders -- An in-church adventure in
the gallery after service where the kids help our older
members improve their reaction time and keep in
- Teaching the neighbor's kitty how to swim (see
- Mall Trolling for Fun and Profit (meet at San
Francisco Center -- Bring your own iPod and ear
The Circle is Un-Housebroken
Copies of Rev. John Robinson's sermon from last
week, "The Circle is Un-Housebroken" are available
Photographer Position Eliminated
The next photographer applicant didn't make it, either.
Our insurance companies made us cancel the job
SF Cures Family's Dorian Gray Syndrome
Stewarts Arrive, Adopt Age-Appropriate Appearance
Within hours of arriving in San Francisco yesterday,
Rev. Gregory Stewart and his family's appearance
became unstuck in time. Twelve-year-old Javonte
gained 12 inches of height in the first 30 minutes
after drinking unfiltered Hetch Hetchy from the tap.
The family's look when they arrived in San
The family after drinking San Francisco's pure
"It's a Unitarian Universalist miracle!" exclaimed
Rev. Stewart. "The joy of being in San Francisco is
A Flickr album of Candidating Week photographs has
been started with a larger version of the picture
above and a couple other arrival shots. Additional
pictures will be posted throughout the week...
especially if ya'll send them in to the house elves.